🌊 Issue #3: On being a good friend
Also a book recommendation, what the movie Soul made me do, and a recipe for Portuguese brownies
Hola friends! 👋
Have you gone back to work, yet? Technically, I have. Since the 7th. But I pretty much told everybody that I won’t be back until the 11th. So I bought myself some time to catch up with my emails and review my pending things in peace - and by peace I mean, sans meetings that would have been scheduled if everybody knew I was “back at work”.
I also didn’t have to set my alarm for an early morning wake up call. And I still got a lot of shit done despite starting work at 11am on Thursday. So I wished that all work days were the same.
If you’re going back to work on Monday and in the middle of a panic because you haven’t checked your email during the holiday 👇
Earlier this week, I was talking to one of my closest friends, Jules, about friendship.
About how some friendships are easy. And by easy - not necessarily devoid of drama and difficulty. There will be distance. And harsh reality checks. And sometimes long periods of quiet and disconnect. But the bridge will always be present and strong. And to cross it will always be accompanied by relief. Along with the trust that no matter what, no matter when, no matter where, and no matter how - it will always feel like going home.
Then you have the other kind. The ones that you really really want to work, for some reason. Because when it works, it feels good. But when it doesn’t work, which is most of the time, it’s devastating. There’s nothing wrong with putting in the effort to make it work. All relationships require that, after all. But not all relationships are worth it. Not because the other person is an ass. But because the relationship is just not a good fit.
And even though, at the back of our heads, we know this - we cling harder. Thinking that if we give more, set aside our own needs, that bridge will strengthen. And we’ll finally stop holding our breaths, every time we try to cross it. But the thing is, the bridge will always be weak. And eventually we’ll just end up falling off of it.
The worst part? We think it’s all our fault.
And I don’t know who needs to be reminded of this - but we don’t have to force friendships. No matter how bright the other person may shine for us.
If it hurts more than it brings joy, drop it.
If it feels like it’s just taking and taking and taking, drop it.
If it makes us feel less, as a person and as a friend, drop it.
Our friends should be adding value to our lives, one way or another. They should make us feel whole. They should help us become the person we’re supposed to be. In a way that’s unique to who they are. Anything less than that? Not worth it. (It needs to work the other way around too)
I’m not sure why I decided to write about this, this week. My guess is that I needed to be reminded myself.
Until next time ♥️
p.s. also relevant for romantic relationships, and the ones we have with our families.
What I’m loving these days 💙
The work being done to highlight the work of female Renaissance artists. This makes me so happy! Continuous recognition of the work womxn have contributed (and of BIPOC too!) to our civilization is necessary work if we’re truly going to achieve equality. Hopefully in my lifetime.
I just finished reading Educated by Tara Westover. And geezus, the book made me feel so many feelings. Including wanting to reach inside the pages and shake her out of her zombie-like stupor, so she can get herself out of her situation much sooner. Read it! Then take a good long look at yourself and all the beliefs you’ve grown up with. Then take a look at the person next to you.
Have you seen Pixar’s Soul? What a beautiful movie that reduced me to a crying mess at the end. After watching, I got myself a career coach. There are some career decisions that I’ve been putting off for a while now that need to finally be made. And this movie reminded me of them.
Not exactly loving (more like seething with anger) - but important to share nonetheless. Historical revisionists are everywhere (mixed with the other problem of ableism right here). And they have a lot of time and energy to spread shit like this one👇 among many others. Here’s a call to action: Spend a bit of time spreading facts along side photos of your food, plants, and outfits. It can go a long way.
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💪 2021 Fitness Update!
Last week I talked about the Apple Watch I got for Christmas might finally be kick in the ass that my motivation needs to show up and get me moving. Motivation still present and accounted for. Motivation being the feeling of reward I get from completing my activity circles. Not so much the calories burned behind them.
I earned badges too! 🏅 I have never won awards and medals in school so this feels like I’m making up for all those years of undecorated disappointment.
It might be too optimistic, but I think I’m going to become addicted to fitness. 😂 As long as fitness looks like running back and forth in the basement. And I might be imagining it, but I think I can see the beginnings of abs.
Let’s see how long I can keep this up. Especially since next week, I’m going back to a life of back to back to back meetings.
1/52 2021 ✅
What’s Cooking, Good Looking? 👩🍳
Not exactly photos worthy of a food magazine, but I can assure you that this ended up amazing. Everybody who ate said the same thing too. 😂
Serve with Vanilla Ice Cream and/or coffee.
After dinner or after work.
When you feel like you need a hug but it’s unavailable at the moment, this works too.
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I started this maybe-weekly newsletter because I needed a space where I can just take a break from talking about career, working in tech, and coaching other Product Managers. I needed a space where I can show off my cooking skills, get kilig about the books I’m reading and the movies I’m watching, and sometimes even cry about the things that make me sad.
Want to share your thoughts and feelings, too? Leave me a comment below 👇
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