Issue #6: The One About Grief
Hola friends! š
I havenāt written in 3 months. Prioritizing time for my day job, my coaching life, and my naps instead. Suffice to say itās been hectic. Mostly mentally and emotionally - because I spend most of my time on my work desk anyway for anything to be hectic physically.
But the one thing thatās really pulling me down and making me stay there is - Grief.
Every day thereās news of someoneās death.
And Iām not talking about reading the news and getting the death count. Iām talking about friends of friends, people I know by name or face, and people I have met and maybe have had beers with.
Death just feels closer and closer now. And I wake up every morning these days, holding my breath, hoping Iām not waking up to worse news. Being away from home in the middle of this madness keeps me in a constant state of being on the edge.
The last time I had somebody really close to me die was 9 years ago. It was my dad.
9 years ago and it still feels like yesterday.
Grief never leaves you. At least it never left me.
Some nights ago, I was deep in my Reddit rabbit hole when I came across this video
Seconds later, I was bawling. Remembering that I canāt turn to my dad anymore for anything re-opened old wounds. Not that I forgot. Itās just a reality I put aside and actively ignored.
I donāt think I really processed my grief properly. At that time, I felt like I needed āto be OKā as soon as possible. Whatever that meant. Functional, I guess.
As soon as the last of the paperwork was signed and dotted, I took that as my cue to snap out of it. Get my shit together. Crying was not going to bring my dad back. Might as well get on with my life as fast I could. It seemed practical.
Itās like having a broken bone and not letting it heal correctly. Somethingās been out of place ever since.
Is there even a way to process grief properly? It doesnāt seem like something I would like to spend more of my time on.
What I do know is that whatever quick patch up job I did 9 years ago is starting to crack. And itās just getting really really hard to keep things together.
Tut tut.
Well - nothing left to do but to keep on keeping on. š¤
Kax
Whatās keeping me sane these days š
Fearless, Taylorās Version - the entire album! Our lady of Productivity. Pray for us.
Finally got around to finishing The Bone Witch Series. What a ride! It was such an exciting world to get lost in. So many conspiracies and intrigue. I have to admit that towards the end, because there were so many names to remember, I stopped trying to follow the politics and just focused on getting to the conclusion. š But I refuse to stress about being a bad reader sometimes!
Any recommendations for what I should read next?
And my favorite sub-reddit, r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix. Described as ā"Eye-witness event(s) that cannot be explained with critical thinking.ā Maybe we all do live in a simulator. Or aliens. š¤·āāļø Can somebody unplug Duterte please?
And the VP of Philippines - pretty much the only reason why the country hasnāt imploded yet. Oust Duterte? Oust Duterte!
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I started this maybe-weekly newsletter because I needed a space where I can just take a break from talking aboutĀ career, working in tech, and coaching other Product Managers. I needed a space where I can show off my cooking skills, getĀ kiligĀ about the books Iām reading and the movies Iām watching, and sometimes even cry about the things that make me sad.
Want to share your thoughts and feelings, too? Leave me a comment below š
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